somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
