I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You left your phone here
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