Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
