i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
