Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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