Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
