I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
