It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
