sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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