just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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