the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
