The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
