He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
