People in love make me want to vomit
i will never coherently bang her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
