I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
