just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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