That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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