My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
