wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
