We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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