Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize