True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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