Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
