your parents love me but you hate me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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