once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
