this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
