So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
