i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
