I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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