Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
