smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
