we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
