i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
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And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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