you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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