I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
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I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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