no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize