Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
