I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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