shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
