Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
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'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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