So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
