shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
