just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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