I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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