moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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