Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
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Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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