and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
