you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
