I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
