look no pants
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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