Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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