I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize