I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize