Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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