i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
