Your face is a jimmy john
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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