2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
