sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
