God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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