my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
