there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
