I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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