fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
