her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
